Monday, June 29, 2009

A couple of things that are on my mind ...

The first thing - I think that people who operate chainsaws should need a license. A chainsaw is kinda a big deal. They cut down trees and have the ability to cut anything in half . So it's required by law that you have to have a driver's license to operate a motor vehicle and a bicycle but any idiot that shops at Fleet Farm can buy a chainsaw? A chainsaw requires gas to operate - so does a car. A chainsaw requires constant attention to what you are doing - so does driving. A chainsaw requires a talent to operate - so does a car . A chainsaw knocks down trees - so do cars. A chainsaw can kill someone - so can a car. I think people are more likely to lose a limb with a chainsaw then a car ... hmmm.

The second thing - If you have the time and money to pay for a two hour massage each week you should be donating some money to charity. And also you should not be calling an establishment and requesting something longer then a 75 - minute massage and get sassy when the operator tells you it's not an option. If you are paying that much money for two hours of your day each week for a stranger to touch your body- you have bigger problems. No, I don't think you are something so special for having the time and the money to do this. I feel sorry for you if you have the time to do this. Get a hobby or go to church. I think a couple of "Our Father's" are in order ...

The third thing - who invented the game of "hopscotch" and why? really?

The fourth thing - why am I not clever enough to think of something like "SpongeBob"? $$

The fifth thing - why do I feel guilty for killing a spider the size of a baby hamster?? I know it's not his fault for being so disgusting and hanging out in my Jeep door and scaring the $h!t out of me ... but ... eeek geek! Then once I heard his poor gross abnormally large body hit the ground I got sad. But really - what did I think was going to happen? I build him a spider condo and he lives happily ever after? Not likely.

peace =) diana

Monday, June 22, 2009

Jon - Kate = FINALLY

So I trust I am not the only person who isn't surprised by the recent announcement that Jon and Kate will be parting ways - at least I hope so....

Have you ever really watched that show?? That stupid Kate was always so mean and anal and weird. There were so many times I slapped our TV thinking it was her face. So many times in fact that my husband started making me put a quarter in a jar everytime I did it. We are now up to $268 - and we don't even watch the show regularly.

You wanna know what I think?? I think she got "hot" all of a sudden and wants to let other "hoses explore her garden". Ewww. Perhaps there was a reason they couldn't reproduce naturally - IT WASN'T meant to be...

Venus Fly Trap

I will never forget the day I spotted Venus Fly Trap plants for sale at Wal – Mart. I was so pumped. I always wanted a creepy looking plant that eats flies. I carried it all around the store and held it in my lap on the way home so it wouldn’t get crushed by our impulse Wal – Mart purchases. When we got home I placed it by the toaster in the kitchen and stared at it. It wasn’t very fun. There weren’t any flies to eat because it was winter. So I got so mad. In the haste of my anger I decided to make split pea soup. Made sense – comfort food to help me cope with my hungry plant on a cold winter day. Anyway after I put the peas in the water I decided to cube a ham steak I had just bought at Wal - Mart. I then got the best idea ever to feed my new boring hungry plant some ham. I was so excited!! I cut a small piece of ham and threw it at the “mouth” of the plant. It took me a couple tries to get it in there because I thought it would trap my finger and I would have to rip off it’s head. So finally after many failed attempts I just used a toothpick and got the ham in there. The thing snapped shut so fast that I dropped the toothpick. It was so neat. Anyway so the thing shuts and then all the excitement was over until the head started turning black a few days later. The stupid thing didn’t even “digest” the ham and it rotted. Then the head fell off. I was so mad I slammed in “google” into the web browser and searched, “Venus Fly Trap” and guess what I found – you should NEVER feed your plant ham. Hmmm – good to know. Stupid things should come with a warning. Soup tasted good. Plant ended up dying though. It wasn’t a very good idea.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

You wanna know what get's my goat?!??

I don't understand why when people call someplace to make a reservation - and the scheduler asks what day/time they would like to reserve - the caller says, "oh let me check my calender, I am not sure when I would like to book." . .. . What thought process did the caller have when picking up the phone to call? "Oh I am going to call and make an appointment - I will figure out when I want to do it while on the phone." That is no good for both parties annoying.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Chicken Nuggets?? - what?

So I serve my kid (Sam) chicken nuggets - a lot ...

I am so annoyed that the Tysons Chicken nuggets' commercial show the chicken nuggets being served with a ramekin of ketchup - do you serve your child's chicken nuggets with a ramekin of ketchup?!? Am I a bad mom because I plop ketchup in the middle of my kid's themed Car's plate?

FYI - I only own one ramekin that I obtained because I had left overs.....

diana lynn Mrs. H

Thursday, June 18, 2009

You know what really gets my goat....

I sometimes wonder why 65-100 year old women buy very expensive facial care products? Sometimes I just want to put up my hand and yell, "STOP - you are way past expiration...don't waste your money." If you find a cream that works - don't tell anyone because it's a freaking miracle...

You know what...??

I am a big old stupid krabby patty (SpongeBob reference) right now.

And when I get in this weird-o mood I think about dumb things. Well more so then usual. I am totally mad right now because like 12 people are mowing their lawns and about 12 more are weed whacking - this wouldn't bother me on any other day but I can't hear Judge Judy. I know I have seen it a million times and I know what the verdict ends up being - but I still want to hear it. I suppose I could DVR it? Nah - then I would really get teased. My husband has already made fun of me for DVRing "Roseanne" - again I think I have seen just about every episode made. There is one that I remember for some weird reason. I don't usually see it on very often - but it's the one where Roseanne is supposed to be taking a bath and she ends up falling asleep in her bubbles. She dreams about whatever - but the thing that really stands out in my mind is when she is on trial for killing Dan. She drowns him in cream corn. It's just such an odd episode - too funny!!! Another show I DVR which I think is totally dumb is, "Sex Decoy, Love Stings"... - two of three daughter are strippers and the mom wants them to leave stripping to join the family business. Too funny -- strippers running around trying to seduce men and they are being paid for it by the girlfriend....isn't that kinda like stripping?
Anyway - I was just reading some fun articles in "Parent" magazine about ants. I LOVE ants (except in the the summer when they creep in the back patio door . .. .). They are amazing creatures....I plan to blog about how an ant get's the royal title of "Queen". How fun will that be?? =)

Monday, June 15, 2009


My son just got a "Nerd" candy stuck in his nose.

Yes, you read that right - stuck in his nose... what the heck do I do??? I have tried everything to get it out...turkey baster, pepper ... you name it I did it!!!


Mrs. Nerds

Sunday & Monday - Hello Sunday & Monday!

It's 6:20 on Monday night. It feels like a Wednesday though because I had to work this past weekend. The weekend went pretty alright - aside from the balding lady with one leg longer then the other and the other woman with dragon eyes who stared at me so long I thought she was going to kill me - things went great! The balding lady with the "stump" leg was so rude. And so were her daughters. Her much older then me daughters - anyway - Ms. Bald Stump's daughter kept saying, "Interesting" to everything I said. Either she doesn't get out much or she thought I was nuts. Interesting...

Nothing else really is going on. I am a bit concerned with North Korea and their insane leader - this is going to be the start of a nuclear winter ... just wait. eeek! I am watching the Simpsons right now that I recorded last night. It's pretty funny. Boy oh boy is Homer so dumb! ;)

Okay well I must go and do something other then sitting on the computer. I bet if we didn't have a lap top I wouldn't spend so much time on the computer - but then I couldn't blog - and then I couldn't make any money - hey CLICK ON THE ADS OKAY? =)

TaTa for now!
diana lynn
25 random facts about ME!


I love to drink beer in the bathtub


My favorite book is, "Boy Crazy Stacey"


I think every scary looking house is haunted


I was a member of for two years


I can clap with one hand


My best friend calls me "Bana" and I call her "Balls"


I thumb wrestled with my husband when I was in labor


I am a firm believer in aliens and God


I feel sorry for people who are mean to other people


I used to have a VW Bug and miss it everyday


I once told someone I had a pet squirrel


I forgive easier then I should


I am superstitious (number 13! eek!!)


I am on an active search for the lost city of "Atlantis"


I think it's funny when Sam gets frustrated


I love watching the Simpsons


I know every song Jewel has ever written


I yodel when I am alone


I want to go to the moon


I think there is life on Mars and they are so mad that Earth has sent a huge robot to their planet and crushed their tiny towns.


My favorite movie is "Showgirls"


I like to play nintendo with my bf balls


Hello Kitty is my idol


Pink is my favorite color


When Sam was first born even though they told me he was a boy, I didn't believe the doctor, the nurse, my husband...when I saw he was a boy I cried, "It's a boooy...." and I couldn't be happier!

- honorable mention -

I hope to have a baby girl really soon :)

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Hello Mr. Saturday Night!!

hi! so it's 9:51 p.m. saturday night - i really should be putting my kid to bed but he's playing so nice with his cars and a box of "nerds" candy he found somewhere(?). that makes me nervous - the "nerds" candy - "nerds" are so messy. i am finally understanding why my parents made me eat "nerds" outside when i was younger. i just figured it was because i was a messy eater ... nope it was messy candy. perhaps i should be concerned he has candy at 9:51 p.m. ??

.. .anyway. ..

so my husband is gone doing a security gig at beechwood this evening(where the hell is beechwood?). it's no fun seeing him leaving for work all the time, but yet we are still broke? =) it's some picnic where i bet "oil can harry" is playing. i used to love watching "oil can harry" play when i was younger (a.k.a. five years ago - i am not THAT old....) but it usually means a rowdy bunch. i am sure he's having some fun but missing us. we are missing him!

**nerds update** they are as we speak falling in between each cushion. ..

so i guess tomorrow when i get home from work i will be vacuuming the couch. my son is adorable and incredibly smart - however he is still a toddler and awfully messy. speaking of working tomorrow - i usually don't (side note: my son just told me he was hungry and didn't want me to cook - we should, "order a pizza - yeah") work on the weekends but was needed to help work the front desk. i had a blast! it wasn't a crazy busy day but the flow was nice and i was working with awesome people. i had a lot of fun today however still dread getting up tomorrow morning to work - uck. thank God my wonderful babysitter did ALL my dishes today ... hannah you rock!! i can come home tomorrow and only have to worry about doing the laundry...

alright so i am headed to bed to get a good night's sleep and rock the front desk at the spa tomorrow - bright and early - really bright and early ...

tata for now!

10 reasons I wish I was SpongeBob

SpongeBob's Pineapple under the sea is paid for. No mortgage payment, no rent - nothing. And the best part? Even if it gets eaten by nematodes - all you have to do is replant the seed and your pineapple house grows back!

SpongeBob's jellyfish hunting hobby is cheap, fun, easy and always in season. My hobby of drinking beer get's rather expensive!

Sponge Bob has reached the level of an ideal tan - sun bleached. I haven't even gotten close.

SpongeBob can't drive. While he wishes he could drive - I would be happy not having to pay a car payment, insurance, gas ... etc.

SpongeBob LOVES everything about his job at the Krusty Krab. I do enjoy my job very much however I am never as excited as SpongeBob is to go to work - wish I was!

SpongeBob's pet snail Gary - is the perfect companion...he doesn't talk back and takes care of himself . I have a household of boys who talk back!

SpongeBob has the widest variety of friends. A squid, squirrel, star fish and a crab (not pictured is Mr. Krabs) . My friends, while wonderful and unique - don't compare to a star fish and I know I don't compare to a talking sponge...

SpongeBob wears his emotions on his sleeve so you always know how he is feelings. He also is always optimistic and gives life his best shot! While I try to keep a smile on my face I do get frustrated quite a bit - and swear.

SpongeBob is a local Fry Cook Legend. I am not a local Fry Cook Legend - wish I was...

...and the #1 reason I wish I was SpongeBob SquarePants.....

* SpongeBob has been able to wear the same size square pants since 1993 *

Friday, June 12, 2009


I was hoping to have a caffine infused day today however Torke just isn't doing it for me! There is a lot I wanted to get accomplished today but instead I write a blog... I have never written a blog before and am not too sure what I am supposed to write here? I guess this is just a space to ramble on and on instead of doing things I should be doing! :)

We are almost finished with potty training Sam. For the most part he goes potty on the potty chair. He goes into the bathroom on his own and will even dump out his potty into the big potty, flush it and rinse out the if only he would do that ALL the time we'd be just fine!! He knows when he has to go and shouts out, "Mommy! My pee is coming out!!" but sometimes he is playing too hard with his cars that he forgets. He have only had two accidents so far. We even started letting him sleep in his big boy underwear! Yippy!!

Well I think I am starting to feel the caffine kick in - time to fold some laundry and who knows what else!!